


Almost Happy It's Almost Over

by TheXGrayXLady



Category: Hemlock Grove
Genre: Angst, Other, Werewolves, sort of character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 10:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3378410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheXGrayXLady/pseuds/TheXGrayXLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years ago, Peter made a deal. Give up his human face to defeat the vargulf. He’d held off on paying the price for a long time, but he didn’t think he could anymore. Fucking cosmic debt collectors were brutal and determined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Happy It's Almost Over

**Author's Note:**

> IDK what this anymore. It started out as a sort of, "Hrm. The show hasn't actually done anything with that whole, "Give up your human face," thing," because I took it to mean Peter wouldn't be able to change back. Then it devolved and became angsty garbage, without a beta, at four thirty AM. The best kind of garbage.

He’d been driving for almost two days now. He didn’t know what town he was in or even what state, but he knew he was far away from home. Even the thought of home turned his stomach and made his vision blur, but he couldn’t go back.

Years ago, Peter made a deal. Give up his human face to defeat the vargulf. He’d held off on paying the price for a long time, but he didn’t think he could anymore. Fucking cosmic debt collectors were brutal and determined.

He’d felt it in his gut as the full moon grew closer. This change would be his last. He told Roman that he was getting anxious and needed a few days to cool off. The idiot wanted to come with him, take Nadia and make it a family cosmic debt collecting, wolfy road trip. Of course, Roman didn’t know that it was a cosmic debt collecting, becoming one with the wolf roadtrip. He thought it was a Peter needs a few days to run roadtrip.

Peter put his foot down at that. He needed to be alone for this. He didn’t want to be alone. If it were up to him, he’d spend his last hours as a human surrounded by his weird little family, but if he became the wolf permanently, it would be too dangerous.

There were still hours before the moon rose. He wanted to stop and maybe enjoy his last few hours as a human, but he wanted as much distance between himself and Hemlock Grove as possible. He already had everything in order. He gave Destiny letters addressed to everybody important, Roman, Nadia, Shelly, his mother, even one for herself. If she didn’t hear back from him for three days after the full moon, that was it. Peter Rumancek had given up his human face.

He was tired of fighting to be human again in the good moons. He was tired of how much more the change back hurt with every full moon. He was tired of Roman ripping him apart during the bad moons and lying in his arms after the fact, all the while wishing he’d ripped the Upir’s head off and kept his wolf skin, fighting the urge to turn again.

He told Roman he didn’t remember anything between being unable to turn back and waking up in their bed. He remembered everything. He remembered snarling and snapping at Roman in the early morning light. He remembered the months where Roman had to call Shelly and ask her to take Nadia to school because he was bleeding too badly to even think of driving back for hours.  He remembered telling Roman that if he ever made him turn back again, he would kill him. He remembered calling him a selfish, bloodsucking leech. He remembered telling Roman that if he really loved him, he would let him stay a wolf.

In some ways, the good moons were worse. He’d change back on his own, no battle axe or superhuman strength required. Roman would toss his clothes at him, tell him he smelled like dog, hand him a coffee, and buy him shitty breakfast sandwiches with lots of bacon and eggs and sausage and ham at some crappy drive-through.  He’d complain about the wet dog smell getting into the upholstery and about how Peter managed to get food everywhere and how changing back into a human in the morning is a totally inconsiderate thing to do, werewolves should totally wait until a more reasonable hour. They’d joke around and make fun of each other and be home in time to get Nadia ready for kindergarten.

Those moons made him feel like he could still manage this. If he had a few of them in a row, the look on Roman’s face when he couldn’t turn back was almost enough to kill him. As nice as they were, the effortless change, the teasing, the breakfast, taking Nadia to school, they did little more than give everybody false hope.

One time, almost six months went by without a single incident. He thought he was getting better. Then he got stuck. The change back started perfectly, then somewhere between man and wolf, something got stuck. Roman could only stare in horror as his limbs continued to snap and contort, but into no natural shape.

They’d seen bloody, rotting, bloated, maggot infested corpses, faced down vargulfs and manta ray dragon things, gone head to head with the horror that was Olivia Godfrey. It was fair to say they’d seen some things nobody should ever have to see. No matter what happened, Roman always looked at his transformations like they were the most beautiful thing to ever happen. To see him looking at him too horrified to look away almost killed Peter right there.

And Peter would have been grateful for it. He tried to beg the other man to kill him and put him out of his misery, but his mouth was caught between mouth and snout and nothing came out save for strangled barks.

Neither of them could figure out what to do, him too far gone in pain and Roman too afraid to act, unsure if the usual method of helping him change by tearing him out of the wolf would kill him. In the end, they called Destiny and she didn’t know what to do, but kept trying potions and spells until some combination worked.

 It was almost three in the afternoon when they carried him back to the car, wrapped in a blanket and unconscious. It was five at night two days later when he woke up.

He knew he couldn’t keep it up forever after that. He should have died. He would have died and he would have left a mess behind. Destiny and Roman wouldn’t forgive themselves for something that wasn’t their fault, Shelly would be a wreck, Nadia wouldn’t understand why Papa didn’t come home, and it would be all his fault. He would leave a bigger mess behind if he stayed.

Destiny was the only one who understood that he couldn’t fight anymore. You could only cheat fate for so long and he’d been living on borrowed time for too long as it was. Roman would try to fight it. Even if he told him not to. He’d go out to the woods to find him the next morning in the vain hope that he could fix things, coffee and clean clothes like usual. He’d tear him open and instead of a man, he’d only find wolf guts. Peter didn’t want him to have his blood on his hands. And he didn’t want to die. Not dying would definitely be a plus.

It wouldn’t be bad here. He was pretty sure he was somewhere in Maine. He stuck his head out the truck window for a moment and caught a whiff of the air. Lots of deer, few other predators, not many people around. He’d be fine here for a while. It was far enough away that he couldn’t find his way home and he could hide when people eventually came looking for him. If they came looking for him. He hoped they wouldn’t. He didn’t think he could keep from hurting them if they did.

There was a gas station up ahead. He thought about stopping. He’d deliberately left his phone at home, there a payphone out front and enough loose change in the glove box to make a few last phone calls. He could freak out to Destiny, tell her how scared and worried he was, but it would only make her feel worse. He would have to lie to Roman and Shelly, say that he was a few hours away from Hemlock Grove, he’d see them tomorrow morning. He’d be able to give Roman an answer though.

A few months ago, Roman jokingly said that they’ve been living together for years and have a kid, they might as well get married and he handed him a fucking ring pop. He said it was a joke, even after Peter told him that honestly, candy was  better way to get him to say yes than a real engagement ring. Five days ago, he learned the joke and the ring pop was a run for the real thing. Roman always had a gift for timing. He said he’d think about it, the full moon was too close, he couldn’t afford to make promises he couldn’t keep, and he’d give him an answer after.

Roman took his response surprisingly well. He still had an entitled streak a mile wide, but the years had tempered it somewhat. He understood that the changes were getting harder. Peter wanted to say yes, but couldn’t because it would be crueler than anything else he could do. It would be a lie.

He wanted to say yes, of all the people in the world, he wanted to marry Roman Fucking Godfrey and make fun of him for not getting any older and being too tall for his own good for the rest of their lives. He wanted to be there for Nadia’s school play next month. He wanted to be there when Destiny and Andreas had kids of their own. He wanted to be there to congratulate Shelly when her novel got published. He wanted to hug his mom again. Hell, he still wanted to go backpacking around Europe. He wanted to do so many things, but he didn’t have the time anymore.

He parked the truck by the side of the road, got out, leaned up against the side, and reached for a pack of cigarettes that weren’t there. The one time he really needed a smoke, he was hindered by being a good influence.  He settled for punching he truck door over the unfairness of the whole situation. He’d made the deal to save lives and it was going to take him _now._  

He slammed the door shut one last time and ignored the stinging pain in his hand as he walked away. He shoved his hands in his pockets and his fingers closed on the plastic remains of the ring pop. He knew it was a stupid, stupid thing to keep. He’d done it anyway. He’d left one for Roman with his letter too.  It was a stupid, stupid thing to do. He’d done it anyway.

He half hoped he was wrong and he’d change back tomorrow morning. The other half was tired of fighting and was almost happy it was almost over.


End file.
